I Think Its About Time For A Change...

       I got to have the wonderful chance to go to my older sister's wedding,and it was a very life changing experience. Although it may not have seemed like it was that big of a deal, it was a very huge deal to me. The past actually 6 months have been the hardest months of my life. I wasn't living at home. I was in a constant struggle of being sick,being hooked on hard drugs,never going to school,drinking every time I could,stayed with the most physco guy & bad friends thinking I was happy. Now as I sit back was I really happy? In that moment to me I felt like I was happy. But as I look back I don't even know first: how did I not overdose or die? second: how did I not even see the horrible surrounding I was in? and lastly: How did I even survive the struggle? Cause now when I look back I give myself credit for still being alive here today typing this blog. Now when did this change all occur? 
It all happened 2 1/2 weeks ago, I know people say they don't believe in revelations or seeing things. AS for me I disagree with those people all completely. I think they are sadly wrong. And I would never hope upon someone to get an ugly rude awakening. Because the awakening I got will stay with me forever pierced in my memory. I do not tell things in full detail or else you all will think I am literally a nutcase. Or that I'm seeing some weird stuff. But after I saw my dead grandfather for the 3 time I knew this was no joke. This was no game,this was no dumb dream anymore it was finally real. This was the real deal. This was the true thing. I can't brush this off anymore. So I decided to put some things back together. Then on I knew what i needed to do. I needed to go to school and FINISH. I needed to go to my sisters wedding and find some answers from there. I needed to finish behind the wheel, and I needed to break up with the physco and let go of the lifestyle I currently lived under. 
        I went back to school got ALLLLLL  the lost makeup work I needed to do and what I have missed. I let go of the things I was so used to being around and with. Its been two weeks although it doesn't seem long it seems long to me. And it'll only be more and more weeks because once I turned my head on them and the lifestyle I was living I refuse to go back. Although seems things really hard,yeah I'm one to be blunt and this is the HARDEST THINGS I HAVE EVER DONE. But "if god put you to it,he'll pull you through it." I know I will be okay,I know there are times where I'll wish I could go back and just go back, but the support of my new friends and family I know I'll be okay. 
       Going to my sisters wedding was an eye opener to me. Seeing as how we never got along when we were younger which is probably 85 % my fault. It was nice that we could finally put all that behind us and move on being actual sisters who love and care for eachother. It's sad that I didn't get to learn this earlier before she got married or maybe I would have had someone I feel like I could trust like I do now. Also seeing my other family members was also great. I always enjoy being around my big brother Kory. For some reason I feel like no matter what happens he'll always be there for me. And he'll always be helpful. Being around Kailynn and Dallas and my new little niece Addison always makes me so happy! I love being able to see my big sister finally be a mom (even though she learned young since she was the most mature out of all of us) and seeing Kyle and Leah! Me and Kyle have had our hard times although I can't say we didn't have fun durng them he's a good person to lean on. I guess I never really realized I do have alot to be grateful for. I have an amazing family. Mom and Dad have been really helpful throughout all this. Mom will soon enough be my new best friend until she gets tired of me and finally lets me go out! Hopefully I will wear her out soon by getting on her nerves! And lastly Dad who is helping my buy a car for me! How great and lucky am I to have such an awesome family.
         LASTLY "You know life is worth the struggle, when you look back on what you lost & realize what you have now is way better"




My quote for the day and good news I'm home. This time well make sure I stay here until I finally graduate :) so.....RIP to the girl you use to see,shes over. Helllooooooooooooo normal life! FINALLY!




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-ImCpNqbJw

New to blogging....

As I sit here in ISA at school for saying "this is gay" I decided while I am in here I might as well 1. Raise hell 2. Do something cool and as I was googling cause I was dying of extreme boredness I came across something very interesting..... I typed my name into google. And of course....Kyle's blogs popped up cause he ever so kindly tagged me in them. So not only do YOU ALL know what hell happened last year....THE WHOLE WORLD COULD POSSIBLY KNOW! How GREAT! I feel very honored that not only you all know my business but the world could know. So i thought well i might as well share more of my life so maybe some could understand....or some could say "oh geez shes a trip" which it'll probably be the second one but OH WELL! I'd rather have me post things of myself rather than my own siblings....So I am totally new to this whole bloggin shpill. So bare with me. I do promise that i will not bore you because almost something new happens each day. My stories may be a little wild but as you all know I say "sanity kills,so i live the crazy life". So my first blog I might as well just tell you all facts that some of you may not even know about me. And because I'm extremely bored so heres somethings you may or may not know about me!

*My favorite colors red,because when I was young it was my moms favorite color and since I wanted to be exactly like her i chose her's then when I got older it never changed.
*My favorite food's spaghetti,although it kind of looks like brains and worms I LOVE IT possibly the best food by far ever made.
*When I was young I had this dream to become a doctor...but after being in the hospital for my kidneys I realized how i would NEVER want to be one. Especially since I'm so queezy around needles.
*I'm SO self concious. Everyday i wake up wondering how in god's name did my parents genes give me so many moles....especially the one by my nose. UGH
*I come off like a "tough" person but deep down I am probably the MOST SOFT  person you'll EVER MEET
*People think I pretend to be dumb....but in all honesty I AM BOOKSMART but when it comes to common sense I need to get a clue.
*I hate HATE HATE HATE school. It makes me want to kill myself sometimes. Actually it makes me want to kill myself all the time. How ironic.
*I try to come off as a happy go lucky person,which is not as true as it seems. Im probably one ofthe most unhappy people ever. BUT  as my mother says lifes what you make it....so i guess i make it crappy!
*I use to be a bad kid. I mean Its not like I'm a saint now but i sure as heck am off a whole lot better now then i was 2 years ago.
*I'm a drama queen. I freak out over little things and I get pissed off at things I shouldn't.
*I would do anything to protect my opinion....Whatever i think is WHAT I THINK and no one will change that ( I guess you can call me hardheaded)
*I love my hair............I'm glad that god decided to give me dark brown hair....and made it not so thick and whatnot.
*I am obsessed with tanning and jeans.....count my jeans today i have 24 pairs. AND I WILL NEVER BE BELOW THAT I WILL ONLY GAIN!
* I have been the same size since 7 GRADE I wear abercrombie kids jeans and wear little kids stuff...besides there darn shoes!
*I have a potty mouth....yes I'll admit I say the rudest things haha,I just like to call it BLUNT
*Alot of people think I'm intimidating and mean cause of the way I look...which bothers me because I could be one ofthe sweetest people you know.
*I am addicted to my burts bee's....I'd be lost in life without it...I really would......
*I say I hate my family but honestly when I see and look at others families I'm glad I have a big one.
*Im number 5 out of the brady bunch and I'm the youngest girl...
*I've probably given my parents more gray hairs then the other 5 kids combined...which is probably not something to brag about...
*I want to do something with my life....I just don't know what and how to get there just yet....
*I am in love with tattoos and piercings....which is why I am so happy im 18!!!!
*My idol is Lauren Conrad...!
*Sometimes as crazy as this sounds I like to be alone....
*While sometimes even when IM SURROUNDED by a sea of people I still feel so alone...and empty...
*I believe in god....I really do I just think some of these rules are outrageous
*My favorite movie is the lion king....No matter how old I get that movie will always be my #1
*I don't feel like I'll ever get married.....Because whenever I have a boyfriend I either 1. get annoyed of them
or 2. they break my heart.
*I don't like obama GTFO
*If your not american neutralize yourself and come in the right way, and don't hit on girls if you don't even know how to speak english
*PEOPLE SAY IM A BLUNT/BOLD/HARSH PERSON...I laugh and say well....you would rather have my honest opinion or some complete bs?

Okay so ISA is almost over since I told them I had to leave at 1 when i really don't. Mwhahahahahah! I'll be back to finish later. BYE BYE