I got to have the wonderful chance to go to my older sister's wedding,and it was a very life changing experience. Although it may not have seemed like it was that big of a deal, it was a very huge deal to me. The past actually 6 months have been the hardest months of my life. I wasn't living at home. I was in a constant struggle of being sick,being hooked on hard drugs,never going to school,drinking every time I could,stayed with the most physco guy & bad friends thinking I was happy. Now as I sit back was I really happy? In that moment to me I felt like I was happy. But as I look back I don't even know first: how did I not overdose or die? second: how did I not even see the horrible surrounding I was in? and lastly: How did I even survive the struggle? Cause now when I look back I give myself credit for still being alive here today typing this blog. Now when did this change all occur?
It all happened 2 1/2 weeks ago, I know people say they don't believe in revelations or seeing things. AS for me I disagree with those people all completely. I think they are sadly wrong. And I would never hope upon someone to get an ugly rude awakening. Because the awakening I got will stay with me forever pierced in my memory. I do not tell things in full detail or else you all will think I am literally a nutcase. Or that I'm seeing some weird stuff. But after I saw my dead grandfather for the 3 time I knew this was no joke. This was no game,this was no dumb dream anymore it was finally real. This was the real deal. This was the true thing. I can't brush this off anymore. So I decided to put some things back together. Then on I knew what i needed to do. I needed to go to school and FINISH. I needed to go to my sisters wedding and find some answers from there. I needed to finish behind the wheel, and I needed to break up with the physco and let go of the lifestyle I currently lived under.
I went back to school got ALLLLLL the lost makeup work I needed to do and what I have missed. I let go of the things I was so used to being around and with. Its been two weeks although it doesn't seem long it seems long to me. And it'll only be more and more weeks because once I turned my head on them and the lifestyle I was living I refuse to go back. Although seems things really hard,yeah I'm one to be blunt and this is the HARDEST THINGS I HAVE EVER DONE. But "if god put you to it,he'll pull you through it." I know I will be okay,I know there are times where I'll wish I could go back and just go back, but the support of my new friends and family I know I'll be okay.
Going to my sisters wedding was an eye opener to me. Seeing as how we never got along when we were younger which is probably 85 % my fault. It was nice that we could finally put all that behind us and move on being actual sisters who love and care for eachother. It's sad that I didn't get to learn this earlier before she got married or maybe I would have had someone I feel like I could trust like I do now. Also seeing my other family members was also great. I always enjoy being around my big brother Kory. For some reason I feel like no matter what happens he'll always be there for me. And he'll always be helpful. Being around Kailynn and Dallas and my new little niece Addison always makes me so happy! I love being able to see my big sister finally be a mom (even though she learned young since she was the most mature out of all of us) and seeing Kyle and Leah! Me and Kyle have had our hard times although I can't say we didn't have fun durng them he's a good person to lean on. I guess I never really realized I do have alot to be grateful for. I have an amazing family. Mom and Dad have been really helpful throughout all this. Mom will soon enough be my new best friend until she gets tired of me and finally lets me go out! Hopefully I will wear her out soon by getting on her nerves! And lastly Dad who is helping my buy a car for me! How great and lucky am I to have such an awesome family.
LASTLY "You know life is worth the struggle, when you look back on what you lost & realize what you have now is way better"
My quote for the day and good news I'm home. This time well make sure I stay here until I finally graduate :) so.....RIP to the girl you use to see,shes over. Helllooooooooooooo normal life! FINALLY!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-ImCpNqbJw
